Farmer wants a PM

A quick perusal of the great media institutions that is Women’s Weekly and we here at Sixpack couldn’t help but notice current Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s beaming portrait on the cover.

We hadn’t seen that much teeth since denti-con 2010 (25th anniversary no less, although it had some teething problems) and this made us all a little uneasy.

This nervousness didn’t stem from our own prejudices towards Gillard’s looks (pants suits for the massive win), but towards the lengths at which our two prime ministerial candidates were trying to:
a) look like everyday people and
b) to appear attractive.

If we really wanted a prime minister that looked like everyday ‘down-to-earth’ people, we’d vote in an Australia’s Got (no) Talent contestant. Worse yet we’d vote in a Farmer wants a (root, but wife will do) wife contestant - or Natalie Tran from YouTube’s Community Channel.

If we wanted the leader of our country to be attractive and look good in swimwear, we’d vote in an Australia’s Next Top Model contestant - or Natalie Tran from YouTube’s Community Channel.

A quick reminder to both political parties, looking good on screen does not win you elections. Kay Ruddy was a dweeb, J How was a vastly older and balder dweeb and P Keats was a wobbling chin of a dweeb.



What actually wins you Australian elections is a bored constituency (2007), an alternative that is lead by Mr. Shakes-your-hand-way-too-hard (2004) and a logie-deserving screenplay ‘Tampa-belly’ (2001).

So while we will undeniably continue to see messrs Jay-G and Abz plastered on the front covers of our tabloid magazines, we can’t forget that this voting process is one of the most important things we’ll do in our lives and should really give a considerable rats.

That is until we can start voting on Masterchef.

-Sixpack
Founders of the Nat Tran 2010 Political Party.

The fact that Christopher Bridges is successful is absolutely Ludacris

A dramatic powershift has occurred in the world of YouTube, with Justin ‘not old enough for his groupies’ Bieber topping Lady Gaga as the most viewed video in recent days. The ramifications are dire.

Does this mean that Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ video clip is inherently much more entertaining than Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance?’ Have the thick framed glasses wearing perverted nerds (erhem) fled from the medium that they have created and given it to 14 year old human vuvuzuelas? Have we run out of videos of kittens playing the keyboard with oversized sunglasses?

The point of this rant is not to question Bieber’s popularity. Much like Aaron Carter in the 90’s, there is just something about an adam’s apple-less throat that makes girls of all ages weak at their knees. Our main chagrin at six-pack is that the viral nature of Bieber’s song perpetuates the idea that rapper Ludacris is actually talented.

A 16 year old is allowed to succeed with a song that sucks, he doesn’t know any better and the burn out from drug problems will be swift and effective. But how a man who apparently has hoes in different area codes gets away with lyrics such as ‘She woke me up daily, don’t need no Starbucks’ needs to be reprimanded for crimes to the English language.

Lets not get blinded by the sheer quantity of Ludacris’ releases. Although his name may appear numerous times in the ‘feat. ____’ area on our iTunes libraries, it does not hide the fact that his ‘feat’s are poor. The North Korean soccer team may have played at the World Cup but it doesn’t mean that they’re not still a horrible soccer team.

When analysing the career of Ludacris we suggest using the ‘Lobster and garnish’ analogy: just because a crap piece of garnish is sitting on the lobster does not make the garnish tasty or appealing.

So while ideally we would like the legacy of Christopher Brian Bridges to be stricken from the record, we don’t like our chances. As long as there are movies like Step Up (ZOMG NEXT ONE IS IN 3D), we will need inoffensive and ludicrous (not sic) rhymes to play harmlessly in the background – enter Luda.

In all honesty Ludacris isn’t the only one who profits from meagre and pointless contributions in music. Timbaland’s moaning in One Republic – Apologise anyone?

A Rose by any other name would get smashed by Masterchef

So according to Michael Idato the name of a show is one of the most significant hurdles in developing a new program or movie.

Using this logic, shows and movies fail due to the lack of inspiration from the production team rather than issues such as overuse of laugh track (Rules of Engagement), highly repetitive plot devices (Rules of Engagement) and television has-beens clinging to their fading careers (David Spade from... yeah ok).

A good name apparently goes beyond merely making a show appealing to the viewing masses. It makes shows and movies that for all intensive purposes should fail, successful. Minor celebrity chefs cooking with vacuous amateurs, hosted by a man who made a career as an interior designer and the winner is declared either a tomato or a capsicum. It shouldn’t wok (sic). But stamp Ready, Steady, Cook! on the show and you have a nicely polished turd ready to please.

So with that in mind we here at sixpack have created three television programmes that although awful will undoubtedly be highly successful due to their eye-grabbing names.

1) Post-Modern Family

Three different families who are all intertwined in a complicated family structure. However all of these families are oppressed by the big corporations and the middle class society that they have been forced to live. What ensues is a heart-warming comedy about love, friendships and scepticism.

2) How I Met Your Stepmother

A warm sit-com about how a true-romantic, Jed, tells his kids about the awesome stories that arise from his long messy divorce and rushed rebound marriage to a Russian immigrant as a means to make his ex-wife jealous. Should be psychologically... wait for it... traumatising.

3) Diaries of a Call-Centre girl

Follows a sexy-yet-innocent 20-something making her way in the dirty world of telephone call centres. It puts the HO in pHOne.

Still sceptical of the power of the names? Sea Patrol is still on the air.

Xoxo Sixpack