The fact that Christopher Bridges is successful is absolutely Ludacris

A dramatic powershift has occurred in the world of YouTube, with Justin ‘not old enough for his groupies’ Bieber topping Lady Gaga as the most viewed video in recent days. The ramifications are dire.

Does this mean that Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ video clip is inherently much more entertaining than Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance?’ Have the thick framed glasses wearing perverted nerds (erhem) fled from the medium that they have created and given it to 14 year old human vuvuzuelas? Have we run out of videos of kittens playing the keyboard with oversized sunglasses?

The point of this rant is not to question Bieber’s popularity. Much like Aaron Carter in the 90’s, there is just something about an adam’s apple-less throat that makes girls of all ages weak at their knees. Our main chagrin at six-pack is that the viral nature of Bieber’s song perpetuates the idea that rapper Ludacris is actually talented.

A 16 year old is allowed to succeed with a song that sucks, he doesn’t know any better and the burn out from drug problems will be swift and effective. But how a man who apparently has hoes in different area codes gets away with lyrics such as ‘She woke me up daily, don’t need no Starbucks’ needs to be reprimanded for crimes to the English language.

Lets not get blinded by the sheer quantity of Ludacris’ releases. Although his name may appear numerous times in the ‘feat. ____’ area on our iTunes libraries, it does not hide the fact that his ‘feat’s are poor. The North Korean soccer team may have played at the World Cup but it doesn’t mean that they’re not still a horrible soccer team.

When analysing the career of Ludacris we suggest using the ‘Lobster and garnish’ analogy: just because a crap piece of garnish is sitting on the lobster does not make the garnish tasty or appealing.

So while ideally we would like the legacy of Christopher Brian Bridges to be stricken from the record, we don’t like our chances. As long as there are movies like Step Up (ZOMG NEXT ONE IS IN 3D), we will need inoffensive and ludicrous (not sic) rhymes to play harmlessly in the background – enter Luda.

In all honesty Ludacris isn’t the only one who profits from meagre and pointless contributions in music. Timbaland’s moaning in One Republic – Apologise anyone?